Raise your glass and toast to talentless girls

At the risk of sounding like a hater I want to say that I freaking hate Millionaires. If you haven’t heard of them, you are one of the lucky ones.

Millionaires are an obnoxious trio from Huntington Beach, Calif. They sing songs about being wannabe celebrity party girls that celebrate all kinds of ridiculous alcoholic and sexually transmitted excess. Their voices are like fingernails on a chalkboard. Imagine three of the most annoying, least intelligent cheerleaders from your high school starting a “band” and writing “songs” and that’s basically Millionaires.

Don’t get me wrong, these girls are super hot. But talented? Not in the least. But maybe that is their appeal.

In addition to having the most annoying voices on record and the stupidest, shallowest lyrical content ever, their beats sound like a crappy regurgitation of the 1982 new wave jam “She Blinded Me With Science” by Thomas Dolby. You can dance to their songs, but with so many other danceable options out there, why put your ears through this?

The stupid part is that they are poised to be the “next big thing.” They are managed by Crush, the same company that brought you Fall Out Boy and Panic At The Disco, so I doubt these girls are going anywhere anytime soon.

And to add insult to injury, they are playing every single date of the Warped Tour. I can’t think of anything less punk rock than these three hoes singing about money, alcohol and banging dudes. I know that Warped has to change with the times, and some of the bands I am most excited to see don’t necessarily fit neatly into the punk rock box, but Millionaires? Kevin Lyman, what the heck is going on? I want some freaking answers! Put a talented, danceable female-fronted band in their place, like The Action Design, for instance. I’d support that.

I’m all for musical diversity, but I am referring here to music, and the rubbish that Millionaires crap out scarcely qualifies as such.

But really there is no such thing as bad press, right? So no hard feelings, Millionaries. Check them out here, and drop your IQ a few points.

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